The grass isn't greener elsewhere

The grass is always greener on the other side. Count your blessings instead.

Have you ever wondered how things might have turned out if certain obstacles hadn't been there, or if a key decision had gone another way?

The science behind disenchantment

Turns out there's science behind our tendency on dwell on "what ifs." Psychologists call it counterfactual thinking, which helps us learn from past decisions.

Too often, we end up dwelling on how things could have gone better.

• Illusion of focus: We tend to focus on a limited subset of information, exaggerating the benefits of change and ignoring the negatives.
• Psychological: We imagine that something better exists elsewhere, idealising alternatives that makes us increasingly dissatisfied with what we have.
• Cognitive bias: We compare ourselves with others based on limited observations in real-life or on social media, creating a biased viewpoint.

These distortions pile up overtime, making us disenchanted when we compare reality to our imagined alternatives.

Pen down the good things

Two decades ago, someone texted me to arrange a face-to-face meeting. A common friend separately preempted me: She's dissatisfied and plan to leave church.

The day arrived and I still didn't know how to counsel her. Then I received a divine prompting: Bring along a pen and paper.

When I met her at the cafe, she launched into how bad things were since she joined church. Before she could finish, I placed the paper on the table and asked if she could list out some good things.

She said she couldn't. I could, though.

• From memory, I started penning them down.
• She didn't disagree with any of my points.
• Slowly, but surely, the paper filled up.
• Eventually, I ran out of space.

It looks like God had been good to you, I observed. Mutely, she agreed.

Let's just say she decided to stay the course - and later married someone she met in church.

Start watering where you stand

Last week, I wrote about my daughter and her selective mutism. As I noted in a comment, I've glossed over the many challenges that stem from an anxious child.

Yesterday was my birthday. My daughter made a beautiful hand-drawn card with her candid thoughts:

"There [are] so many things to talk about and we spend so much time together! I hope we will continue to spend time together!"

I felt like time and space froze when I read it.

The grass isn’t greener elsewhere - it’s greener wherever you choose to water it. Trade what-ifs for what you're grateful for, start watering where you stand and watch your life flourish.