Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. If there's one regret I have, it would be not chronicling down my parenthood journey from the very beginning.

So, I'm inking one page today.

A new chapter

I vividly remember the first time I laid my eyes on my girls, born exactly 3 years apart. One smiled at my voice, the other furrowed her brow in thought.

As they grew older, I could clearly see in each child a blend of both the physical and personality traits of my wife and me.

M has my double eyelids and features, but the aesthetic sense and creativity of mom. R has mom's athleticism and frame, but my curiosity and fixation when focused.

M is an introvert like me, R an extrovert like mom. Both completely unique.

Snapshots in time

Fatherhood isn't always a bed of roses. There were challenges that I remembered like it was yesterday.

• Not feeling good: R is rarely sick. But this time, she came down with high fever and stuffy nose. She hated it and 3-year-old her made it known by nonstop crying. Angry, determined wailing. Until she fall asleep from exhaustion. For 10 mins or so anyway. Then she wakes and it starts again - right through the night. I did the 1am to 5am shift, my own voice hoarse with fatigue and singing to her.
• Dad, I'm worried: M was having tummy aches in the mornings. We thought it was some bug until she started crying at night too. Turns out it was the anxiety of primary school, which overloaded her in ways she couldn't express*. I started assuring her every night and sending her to school every day - continuing to this day.
• Meltdowns: When R was startled or stressed as a younger girl, often she would go straight into meltdown. Inconsolable, "silent" meltdowns in public, or dramatic, rolling-on-the-floor ones if home*. Typically, at least an hour each time. It took much time and patience to understand, accept, and support her through them.

*Anxiety stemming from Selective Mutism - read more here.

No more living for self

I've often marvelled at the miracle of life. Cradling my girls as babes in arms, I realised I could no longer live just for myself.

But more than anything, fatherhood gave me a much deeper and clearer understanding of God's love for man.

• The perfect love.
• The ultimate sacrifice.
• The freedom for us to choose - or reject.

I want to do everything I can for my children; but I know I must not. They will have to make their own mistakes, fight their own battles.

Through it all, I’ll be there to catch them if they fall, cheering them on.

To all the fathers out there, happy Father's Day to you.