Don't exasperate: Unexpected parenting gold
Two daughters, one birthday, four lessons.
My daughters were born on the same date, 3 years apart. If I could go back and give my younger self parenting advice, here's what I'd say.
More than a decade of shared birthday celebrations later, here are some truths I've learned along the way. Maybe one day, they'll even get to read it.
Nothing prepares you
You can read every parenting book, attend classes, seek advice from trusted friends. But nothing truly prepares you for the moment you become responsible for someone so small and utterly dependent.
And yet, something remarkable happens. You discover reserves of strength you never knew existed. When you stop living only for yourself, you become capable of more than you ever imagined.
Show, not tell
Your children see the real you. They learn from your patience and your frustration, your triumphs and your struggles. To them, it's all equally true, all equally worth imitating.
Instead of nagging or constant correction, model the behavior you want to see. It's incredibly hard. But in the end, your actions will teach far more than your words ever will.
We are all unique beings
It’s fascinating how each girl embodies parts of me and my wife.
- One is extroverted, the other introverted.
- One thrives on creative, the other leans into logic.
- One memorises facts, the other demands explanations.
They are also entirely their own.
Each is fearfully and wonderfully made, with depths we’re only beginning to understand. Each calls for a different kind of love, a different kind of guidance.
They’re growing up in a world far removed from the one we knew - with different influences, pressures, and possibilities. It's on us to find what helps each one thrive.
Don't exasperate your children
This week, I heard a message with what I consider to be the greatest advice about parenting. It comes from the Bible, and it is this: do not exasperate your children.
We know discipline is an inescapable part of bringing up a child well. But here's the key: discipline should build up, not tear down.
The goal isn't to win power struggles or control every behaviour but shape their hearts for their life journey. This means learning to be:
- Firm without being cruel.
- Consistent without being rigid.
- Corrective without condemning.
As we discipline without exasperating, we protect both our child's spirit and our lifelong relationship with them. I can't think of many more things that are more important.
What about you? What are some revelations or insights that you've gained along the way?
